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Yesterday, Im having Passover celebration. Yup, di era covid ini, di ibadah online
Tentunya terasa berbeda. Tapi tetap sukacita kok, mengetahui semua ini "berarti"karena kasih Tuhan pengorbanan Tuhan Yesus di atas kayu salib..

Maaf aku belum bisa menulis dengan baik, jadinya kaya diary deh ini.
Hmm what's really going on here..it's1:18.
Tadinya aku sudah tertidur jam 9. Sudah senang jam tidurku akan membaik eh jam 12 malah ku terbangun, yasudah sayup-sayup ku hidupkan LIVE streaming Steven Furtick, sambil beranjak skincare-an. Niatnya cuma mau cuci muka, malah berakhir mandi...

Lalu setelah semuanya kelar, aku berakhir dengan hati yang meluap-meluap ingin menulis. Maaf, aku melewatkan sesuatu. Aku habis membaca riwayat percakapanku dengan dia.
Oh Tuhan, betapa Bey merindukan dia.
Betapa Bey mensyukuri kehadiran dia di hidup Bey.
Betapa aku bahagia setiap dia menanyakan pendapatku, entah dari sepatu mana yang hendak dia beli atau sampai memberitahu pengumuman masa depannya.

Betapa Bey meyayangkan harus melepaskan dia.
Tapi pengalaman membaca riwayat percakapan kami benar-benar....it feels surreal.
Ijinkan Bey membungkusnya dalam kapsul:

Bahwa Bey dan dia sudah saling terbuka. I'm amazed on how I can be open effortlesly to someone.
Jujur, rasanya aku merasa tidak maksimal, rasanya aku bisa mengasihi dia lebih dari yang aku rasakan menjadi aku di percakapan itu.
Bahagia rasanya mendengar kembali lagu-lagu yang ia mainkan buatku.
Potret kebersamaan itu yang melukiskan lengkung senyum di wajah kita.

Baiklah, kiranya kusudahi dahulu. Sudah meluap-luap ini..
Tuhan Yesus..
Tolong berkati ya
I believe in Your Plan.

Posted by
berilla

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First post after awhile..

I know christianity is based on faith. But sometimes, tha's not always easy to really practice it on daily basis, as people around me keep telling our value is based the equation of good deeds minus bad ones. Well to be frank, what comfort me being alone in this world without my half soul is I will see her eventually. But the evil as we know wont stop tempting right...so then I get insecure in the middle of my journey, will I meet my Mom in the end? And everytime that thoughts come in, I keep calculating in mind based on my humanity... But what is humanity after all? You tell a rich man donates millions is better than a widow donates one hundred? Oh no, belum tentu. No one can tell, but God. But here is the thing, I cannot stress enough how grateful I am, it is very very liberating to know the fact The God I praise, values: what’s in the heart. Im crying writting the last sentence. Oh my mom, she is such God’s jewel. As so many growing doors opened, I am given more knowledges, and take it as my reflection.. I am so proud to have Mom as brave, as hardworker, as focused, as bold, as forgiving, as giving, as loving as her... 
So, please let me give you tips to all daughters and sons who need this: just because your parents doesnt love you like the world images tells you, doesnt mean they don’t love you with every guts, sweats... literally with everything she has. 

Posted by
berilla

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Just afraid.

Yeay I know this excitement is undeniable!
Everybody loves Christmas.
it's just... I'm afraid it's like expecting something that it's not to be
It's not you expect higher then the reality is lower.
It's just... different kind of situation you expect.
I mean, it's Christmas.
It's the perfect time for loong holiday.
But, do I really mean it? Do we?
It's like we expect something wow like big sale everwhere
No.
Expect more than that.
So.. let's mean it! Helloing christmas in His way...
Merry Welcoming Christmas!

Posted by
berilla

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Ritme

Mulai mengerti sesuatu yang orang lain tidak mengerti itu tidak mudah.
Beradaptasi dengan hal yang orang lain tidak punya, termasuk di dalamnya.
Maybe, all of these, is all I need.
Maybe.. it's just about how I conquer it

Posted by
berilla

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